Two Girls One Swipe

I thought Valentine's Day would be a little depressing for six single gals in the city, but I really didn't anticipate the night ending in a police precinct. It started with a Comedy Show called "Love Sucks" where several comedians shared their worst Valentine's Day tales...I think I have some good material for next year's show.
After a few drinks with all mah single ladies, four of us decided to head back uptown to continue to the drinking/man-hating. We contemplated a cab but since we were already so close to Union Square and we all had monthly subway passes, we decided we'd just catch the 6. As we approached the turn table, I realized thatI had left my monthly subway pass in my other jacket. Not wanting to buy a stupid one-way pass, I convinced my usually straight-edged roommate to double swipe me through.
After about three minutes, a large scary man in an ENYCE sweatshirt asked us to come with him. He flashed a plastic Party City badge that definitely did not convince me he wasn't trying to pull us into a corner to rape us. Confident in my kickboxing skills, I followed him and his equally frightening looking friend down the subway corridor. He pulled JLH and I into a tiny room...I guess the badge wasn't from Party City after all. He told us he had caught us on camera, and would have to write us each tickets for double-swiping. I tried to explain that I was incredibly sorry and have paid for a monthly pass and could bring it back to show him. When that didn't work, I reminded him that it was Valentine's Day and nobody loved us. When even THAT didn't work, I encouraged him to only write me a ticket, as I made JLH do it. Officer ENYCE would have none of it, and handed us each tickets....for $100 each.
Obviously, I am paying for JLH's ticket too. Below please find a list of things I would have preferred to spend $200 on last night.

- 20 Shots of Jameson.
- A dozen roses for all the females in my family.
- A plane ticket to Vegas (Jet Blue, but still a plane ticket).
- 200 Flashbucks at the Strip Club.
- A cab ride home for all four of us...actually a cab rides home for the entire bar.
- Two monthly subway passes.
- Someone to punch Officer Enyce in the face.
- And lastly....A Valentine.

Gas on the subway

Sorry I'm not sorry that the subway wasn't loud enough this morning to cover up your flatulence. Gas X goes great with corduroy.

Moving on up!

Dearest Blogspot,

Sorry to do this to you, but we've moved on to Tumblr. He's pretty easy and definitely more popular, all the qualities we look for in a man. Our time with you has sure been swell, but unfortunately Tumblr just has more to offer right now. 

I'd say we could still be friends, but that's always a blatant lie. 

Warm Regards,
JLH & ADK
http://sorrywerenotsorry.tumblr.com/

The Sluttiest Snowpocalypse

Sorry I'm not sorry that the NYC Snowpocalypse forced me to spend the night at your apartment after meeting you on the internet that day. We went to three bars last night. So technically I waited until the third date.

Right? Right.

I'm still kicking so at least you aren't the Craigslist killer.

Phew.

Save the Last Dance

Sorry I'm not sorry for every time I've ever danced in public. By default, anyone who dances in my vicinity automatically looks about 10x better.

My birthday is in 25 days. Maybe you guys should get me dance lessons?

HD TV

Sorry we're not sorry we didn't watch the Jets game in HD. Women can't see in HD anyways.

Gimme Somme that Sommelier

Sorry I'm not sorry for leaving this comment card at New York Vintners. I mean how was I supposed to concentrate on the tannins in my wine when beautiful Brandon the wine expert was doing that swishing thing with his mouth?!?

Sorry I'm also not sorry for drunkenly leaving the bottle of wine we bought on the subway on our way to the next bar. Wait... Actually, I am kind of sorry about that.

R.I.P. Kiwi Cuvee. Guess I'll have to visit my love Brandon again soon...

Back On Track

Mango at the desk? Could be weirder.

Sorry I'm not sorry for cutting a mango at my desk. (With the exception of those tortilla chips) I'm on a raw food diet.

In Defense of Guacamole

Image via WikipediaSorry I'm not sorry for that slight detour from my 'Raw Foods/Detox' week.  There was a catered lunch from a pharmaceutical rep at work today. Mexican food is my weakness.. I can't say no to free guac! Or free food for that matter. My salary doesn't afford me that luxury.

But in all seriousness, avocados are technically raw. As are onions, tomatoes, cilantro, and lime.The salty tortilla chips? Not so much. Can't win them all.

A Well-Balanced Meal

Sorry I'm not sorry that at the age of 25 I still consider this a reasonable dinner. 

Magnolia cupcakes!

 

Happy Holidays! All of them!

Sorry we're not sorry for being overzealous with holiday decorating. January 11, 2011 was a somber evening, the evening ADK decided it was time to put away our Christmas decorations. She carefully packed up all snowflakes, greeting cards, Santa hats, and ornaments. As Christmas decorations were replaced by Valentine's Day decor, it was a bittersweet sadness in 1B.

One CVS trip and a few hours later, this is what our coffee table looked like:

At 75% off, these items were a steal.

Sorry we're not sorry for taking down our holiday decorations, only to fill our coffee table back up with red and green purchases. 

After a good laugh, we looked around & realized just how many different holidays we had going on in one room:

Yes, we still use Halloween napkins.

V-Day headbands above the door.

Snooki in the New Year's ball.

Then we remembered the best decoration of all, last year's Easter eggs. 

Slightly hidden, yet still easily accessible.

Our emergency stash of dollar bills.

The No Pants Dance

Sorry we're not sorry for riding the subway without pants. We had actually lost our pants during an awkward one-night stand the night before, but the coincidence of Improv Everywhere's 'No Pants Subway Ride' made a great cover. We blended in perfectly, and even learned about the power of pants in Union Square.

'The History of Pants'

'Are Pants Right For You?'

Sari I'm not Sorry

Sorry I'm not sorry that I convinced my boss that it would be REALLY FUN for her to try on this sari and casually snapped a photo when she wasn't looking.

Survivor Here I Come!

Sorry I'm not sorry I am filling out a Survivor application instead of applying for a new job. Extreme weight loss, a killer tan, and hot men on the beach? Hello Season 26!

Sorry I'm not sorry I've wasted 25 seasons of my life watching this show...

Ready to Rave

Sorry I'm not sorry for the 6am glow stick party. There really just aren't enough raves on the Upper East Side. Don't worry, we still have one unopened pack of glow sticks left.